(Shared to the Experiment list on April 16)
I hope you’re doing well. Here comes another update :) A bit of a deeper one today…
It’s been over a quarter since I made the decision to slow down the pace and output of the business, and it’s been… interesting.
As much as I thought I wanted to slow things down, I won’t lie, it’s been really hard in practice.
Every time I look at our sales compared to last year, I get that sinking feeling in my stomach.
Because as a business owner, it’s almost impossible not to tie your self-worth to the growth of your business. So even though I’m the one choosing to slow things down and reduce output, I’m still reacting to the results through that same lens.
When sales go down, there’s an immediate feeling that something is wrong or that I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m failing. Even though logically, I know this is the direct result of a decision I made.
And that disconnect has been the hardest part for me mentally.
A part of me keeps wanting to go back to the way we were doing things. Not even consciously. Just because that’s what I know, and that’s what I know works. And this in-between feeling is honestly unbearable at times.
Now, on top of that weird mental game I’m playing (let’s call it what it is!), the last few months have felt like that story, old as time, where you work yourself to the bone before a vacation, then finally get there… and then you get sick.
I’ve slowed down just enough for everything to catch up to me.
I’ve been sick. My family has been sick. We’ve had unexpected changes in production. A lot of moving pieces behind the scenes.
So even though the intention was to slow down, it hasn’t necessarily felt calm. It’s just been… a different kind of full.
And with that, I can’t not mention the uncertainty. There’s uncertainty everywhere right now. In the world, in my schedule and ability to work, around what school my daughter will go to in September, the list goes on.
And for a while, I’ve been telling myself that I just need to get comfortable with that. To accept uncertainty.
But if I’m honest, that hasn’t actually helped me.
Then last week, I started listening to someone who talks a lot about certainty. Not in a rigid way, but more like a decision you make with yourself. A way of not constantly entertaining “what if this doesn’t work out?”
And it made me realize something.
I think part of why I feel so lost in moments like this is because i’m trying to figure out what I want when everything around me feels unclear.
And I think that’s the wrong question.
What’s been feeling more helpful is asking:
How do I want to feel?
Because that, I can actually be certain about.
For me, it’s pretty simple.
I want to feel more ease.
More grounded.
More present.
More joy.
And now that I’m starting to make decisions from that place, things are beginning to get clearer.
Not perfectly clear, but clearer.
So that’s what i’m trying to do right now.
Less focusing on what things should look like on paper, and more checking in with how they actually feel.
And trusting that if I follow that consistently, the rest will fall into place in a way that makes sense for this season of life. It has to, right?
I’ll keep you posted ;)
With love,
Laïla
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