(Shared to the Experiment list on September 15)
Hi everyone,
I hope you’ve been well! Here comes a little experiment update that feels slightly at odds with the energy this time of year usually brings...
There’s something about September that always feels like a fresh start. Back to school, back to routines, back to getting things done. and this year especially for me (with my daughter starting kindergarten) I’ve been craving that structure.
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I haven’t had to wake up to an alarm in probably nine years. Basically since I quit my last full-time job to take harly jae on full-time.
and while I know that kind of freedom is something a lot of people would probably love to have, I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’ve had a little too much of it. A river without borders situation, if you will.
So I’m actually looking forward to having somewhere we need to be every morning. A little more discipline. A little more routine. But then again... I’ll report back in a few months once the novelty of making it to school before the bell has worn off ;)
Now, the funny thing is, while I’m craving more structure, I have absolutely no desire to hustle.
Like... none.
Hustle has officially left the chat for me.
After eight months of intentionally slowing down the pace of the business by not pushing towards the next launch, the next design, the next big business idea every single week, something in me has really changed.
At first, slowing down required effort. I had to actively stop myself from doing more. Now, even when I want to find that old energy again, I almost can’t. Sometimes I can access it for a couple of hours. I'll feel that familiar spark of okay, let's go!!!
And then... it's gone.
It has been very interesting to witness in myself because it feels so foreign.
For so many years, that energy was such a big part of me. It was how I built harly jae. It was how I moved through life. There was always something I was working towards, something I wanted to make happen, something ‘next'. And now it feels a little like I've shed a shell that defined me for a very long time but I haven't quite grown into the new one yet.
I'm somewhere in between. And I feel a little lost.
To be fair, there also hasn't been much to ‘anchor' myself to this summer either. We moved into a new house at the beginning of July, so all of the little things that used to make life feel familiar suddenly weren't there anymore. My daughter was starting kindergarten but until the first day of school we didn't even know which school she would be going to. Whether we'd be driving every morning or walking down the street. What our days would actually look like, etc. etc.
There has just been a lot of newness so maybe part of what I'm feeling is simply that. But I also feel that something deeper has shifted. The desire to constantly make something happen just isn't there in the same way anymore.
Instead, I have this really strong pull to take my time with basically everything.
Even with our house. Normally, moving into a space that needs work would have me wanting to start tearing things down immediately just because they're not pretty or not what I would have chosen. But this time, I want to live here first. I want to understand the house before we change it. I want to plan things carefully and wait to be able to afford the materials I know I'll love for a really long time.
And I'm noticing the same thing with harly jae. Instead of feeling like I need to constantly be searching for the next fabric or forcing the next idea, I'm trusting that the most beautiful fabrics always seem to find me at the right time.
It's such an unknown way of operating for me. This idea that I don't have to rush towards the answer. That maybe if I give things enough space, the right answer will reveal itself.
I'm trying to lean into that as gracefully as I can (which if i'm being honest, is not always very gracefully ;))
Because I know that normally this is the part where my old self would start making decisions just so I could feel like I had a direction again. I'd come up with the next big plan. the next goal. The next thing to chase. Instead, I'm trying really hard not to.
So that's the update! There isn't a big conclusion this time but looking back at who I was when I started this experiment compared to who I am now… a lot has changed.
And I'm really curious if any of you have experienced this too?
Have you ever let go of a way of operating that served you for a really long time, only to realize you didn't quite know who you were without it? and what came after? I genuinely love when you reply via email, and I would especially love to hear from you on this one.
I'll keep you posted on what comes next!
With love,
Laïla
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